Well I guess most of you can figure out from lack of a blog post that the news we received last Monday was not good news. Baby Satterfield did not make it. This is going to be a difficult blog post to write, however, I want to make sure to document all of the things that I am feeling. Where to begin....
Thursday, April 2nd, after my first doctor's appointment, I received a call saying that my progesterone level was low. They wanted it to be at least a 9 or above and mine was at an 8. They started me on progesterone and told me to make sure I took it every night before bed. I picked up the prescription on Thursday and got started right away. I went to Rockdale that weekend for Easter and felt fine. Sunday night after I got home, I was so anxious for our appointment on Monday morning.
Casey met me at the doctors office on Monday morning (April 6th) where we would have our ultrasound first (to check on the baby's heart rate) and then an appointment with the doctor. My OBGYN was not available so we would be meeting with a different doctor. They called us back for the ultrasound and got started. If I would not have just had an ultrasound 5 days prior, I wouldn't have known what I was looking for. She was able to find the fetus and amniotic sac, but I knew something wasn't right when she turned on the thermographics to determine the heat of the heart. The blue and red lit up all over the ultrasound, besides over the fetus. I patiently waited while she continued looking around, measuring and printing out pictures. Then she turned on the sound (where last week we had heard the babies heart) and there was no heart beat. I know from my friends pregnancies that the ultrasound tech is not allowed to tell you if there is a problem, so I didn't ask her any questions. I knew the worst possible thing was becoming my reality. I laid there fighting back tears as she told me she would "take the results to the doctor". As soon as she left the room, I looked at Casey and said "there isn't a heartbeat".
They sent us back out into the waiting room to wait for the doctor. It took everything I had to not burst out crying. I sat there and prayed and tried not to think about the worst. The ten minutes we sat in the waiting room seemed to take hours. They finally called my name and we got back to the exam room. When the doctor came into the room she started off by saying "I am sorry to be meeting you under these circumstances..." and I lost it. I said "No heartbeat?" and she confirmed that was correct. The next couple of minutes are a complete blur. I remember Casey holding me and the doctor talking, but don't really remember what she said. Once I composed myself, we went over the options of what we need to do next and I decided that I wanted to go ahead and get a D&C. I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. Luckily my doctor was going on call that afternoon and they had an opening at the hospital at 2:00. We needed to be at the hospital at 12 to check in so we went home to change clothes and get in one vehicle.
In the meantime, I called my parents and let them know what was happening. I also had to call and let my work know what was going on since I would be missing quite a bit of work. I got home and changed and waited for Casey to arrive and then off to the hospital we went.
After we got checked in, they took us back to pre-op. They had me change into a gown and came in and took all my vitals and started my paperwork. I was so nervous about getting the IV started and what was about to happen. I let them know about my history of passing out, so they elevated my feet and gave me some cool wash cloths. My veins have a tendency to roll, so it took them 5 tries before they finally got it done. They started me on fluids and Casey and I waited for surgery time. About 10 minutes later, the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me as well as Dr. Cherry (my OBGYN that would be doing the surgery). She helped put my mind at ease and made me feel a lot more relaxed. Next, they got ready to transfer me to the operating room and started what they called "a margarita" in my IV. I had to tell Casey goodbye at this point and tried to fight back tears and be strong. I wish so bad he could have come into that operating room with me. I was so scared. The last thing I remember was getting on the operating table from the bed the rolled me down there on......
I woke up in the pre-op room and Casey was already waiting for me. My memory was hazy for a little while after I woke up, but I remember Casey telling me that both my parents and his parents were on their way. To be honest, I was angry. I didn't want anyone coming. I didn't want to talk about what happened and just wanted to lay in bed and cry. Now looking back on things, I am so thankful that they came. I could have easily fallen into depression, but instead, I was up on the couch and visiting.
I remember being so thirsty and asking the nurse if I could please have some water. I hadn't been able to eat or drink anything all day. After I chugged a ton of water, I was able to get dressed and go home. Case went and got the car and I was wheeled outside to wait on him. We decided to go to CVS and drop off my prescriptions and then I was going to ride with him to HEB and wait in the car while he ran inside to get ingredients for chicken noodle soup (per my request). On the way to the grocery store, I thought I was going to get sick, so I asked him to just take me home instead. I took a little nap while he was at the store. He got home and started on the soup and shortly after my parents arrived. There were lots of tears shed, and lots of hugging. A little while later I tried to eat some soup, but really didn't have too much of an appetite. Casey's parents got there later that night and I finally went to bed around 11.
The next couple of days were tiring. Our parents were a huge help with dishes, laundry, etc. They all decided to go home Tuesday afternoon. Reagan and Kolby sent us a plant and brought over dinner that night. Melissa and Partick also sent us a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. There is one thing about it, I have some amazing friends.
But even more amazing through this whole situation was my husband. The good Lord definitely blessed me when he put Casey into my life. He was constantly checking on me and making sure I was comfortable. He held me when I needed to cry and knew exactly the right things to say when I was upset. He has been my rock the last week and I am truly one blessed girl.
What's next? Well I guess that is up to God. If there is one thing that I have learned from this whole process, it is to trust in the Lord. Maybe the timing wasn't right? Maybe something would have been wrong with the baby? Who knows what the reasoning was, however, I am trusting that He knows what is best for us. And I am looking forward to the day that we get to become parents to a precious baby!
