20 weeks!

 HALF WAY DONE!!!  I can't believe I am already half way through this pregnancy!  It has flown by and gone so slow at the same time.  I think I am more anxious  because we are not finding out the gender.  We have started doing more work on the nursery so I am excited to get all of that set up!!  The room is officially painted and Casey will start working on the crown molding next.

Also, we finally picked out a crib!!! We bought it last Saturday and it was delivered on Tuesday.  I am so ready to get it set up, but we figured we would wait until the crown molding project is complete.  The only big things left to buy is the dresser/changing table, curtains, and a ceiling fan.  I also need to figure out how I am going to decorate the bathroom since it is attached to the bedroom.  And after researching for what seems like a month, I have finally decided on a car seat and stroller.  I have watched more crash test videos than I would care to admit!  Haha!  We decided we are going to go with the Nuna Pipa for the car seat and the Nuna Tavo for the stroller.

The crib (we will go with solid white bedding)

Nuna Pipa Carseat (with load leg in the base to help with rebound in case of a collision)

Nuna Tavo Stroller

Another super exciting thing that happened over the weekend was that Casey felt the baby move!  It was such a special moment.  I have been feeling movement for a couple of weeks now, but it was so awesome for him to finally feel the movement as well!

We had our anatomy scan last week where they go in and look at every single part of the baby to make sure everything is functioning properly.  Everything looked great!!!  It was so neat to see the heart pumping, and the different parts of the brain.  Baby has 10 fingers and 10 toes and looks healthy as can be!

Profile of  Baby Satt

Here is my month 5 update:

How far along? 20 weeks

Maternity clothes? Yes, definitely am needing them at this point

Stretch marks? Yes :(

Sleep: I had a couple of nights this week where I either had trouble falling asleep or couldn't go back to sleep after getting up to go to the bathroom.  I am also battling a cold right now so that could have something to do with it

Best moment this month: Casey feeling the baby move!

Have you told family and friends: Yes everyone is aware

Movement: Yep!!!  Feeling this little nugget every day!

Food cravings: Still could eat pizza everyday.  Annnnnnd let's go ahead and add ice cream to the "list of things I could eat every day"

Anything making you queasy or sick: Still am turned off by chunks of chicken

Missing anything: Nope, nothing that I can think of

Have you started to show yet: Yep, belly has definitely popped 

Gender prediction: I am still thinking it is a boy.  Case is still leaning toward girl  

Labor Signs: None--way too early

Wedding rings on or off? On!  Have had one time where I was at an outside concert where I had to take them off cause my fingers were swelling too bad

Happy or Moody most of the time: I would say I am Happy :)

Looking forward to: Cooler weather!  I am over the heat and humidity

Happy 45th Birthday, L.R.!

Today would have been my brother's 45th birthday.  For those of you that don't know, he passed away in a car wreck in 2006.  On days like the anniversary of his death and his birthday, I tend to reminisce about him more than normal.  He was such an amazing older brother.

Him and I were 15 years apart and he moved out of the house when I was 3.  Most people would think of this as problematic, but I always looked up to him so much.  He definitely had his issues, but he never once made me feel as though I was a burden.  He loved me so fiercely and would do anything in the world for me.  Now that I am pregnant with my own child, it breaks my heart that he will never get to be the amazing uncle that I know he would have been.

Cheers to you big brother!  Hope you are listening to Willie Nelson, eating pound cake and blue bell, and enjoying a cold Budweiser!  Miss you more than you will ever know!

16 Weeks

I have decided that this time around, I will do my bump updates once a month.  Yes, that is probably being lazy, but considering I am 4 months along now and barely showing, it will be fun to see how much I grow each month.

Case and I have been busy trying to figure out how to decorate the nursery.  Since we are not finding out the sex of the baby, this has been a little difficult.  We have decided to just decorate the nursery in grays and white with pops of aqua/mint.  After the baby comes, if it is a boy we thought we could add some navy in and if it is a girl, add some pink in.  And let me just say, I could NEVER be an interior designer.  The first step of the nursery was picking out a pain color.  I bought several samples and finally decided on a color called Seagull Gray by Valspar (4th color from the left).

Just a few paint samples to choose from

Case went and bought all the paint and got one wall painting on a random Sunday and after that wall was painted, I didn't like it.  The color looked way too blue for what I had envisioned.  I didn't know if I was seeing things, or if it really was blue.  There isn't much natural light in the nursery.  After a week of going in and out of the room I decided I wanted to change the paint color.  I was afraid Casey was going to kill me!  Ha!  Luckily he was a good sport and off we went to buy another gray.  This time I went with Repose Gray by Sherwin Williams and I am much happier with the color.  It looks a little darker than what I had pictured, but I think I will be able to brighten the room up with white furniture.

My job was taping off the room

New color-Repose Gray

Not thrilled at all about having to start over

The new color after the room had been "cut in"

Another thing I have been stressed about is the bedding.  I originally thought that I wanted this gray bedding at Restoration Hardware.  We went to Houston to look at said bedding, and I didn't like it.  Don't get me wrong, it was gorgeous however, I think it would be too much gray in the room.  I think I have decided to go with a white bumper and white crib skirt with a patterned sheet (call me crazy).  I figured if it gets dirty, I can just throw it in the washer with a little bleach.  My cousin got a white iron crib for her nursery that she is currently decorating and I fell in love with it.  Casey isn't completely sold on the iron crib idea though.

As far as names are concerned, we haven't gotten far.  We have a long list of names but haven't really narrowed it down any.  We did decide that once we chose a name, we were not going to announce it until the baby is born.  I have heard too many nightmare stories of how everyone will give you their opinions on the name you picked out prior to the baby coming, but after the baby is born and you announce the name, people are a lot less vocal.  With my emotions running as wild as they are right now, I can't handle someone telling me the name I chose is ugly. Ha!

Here is my month 4 update:

How far along? 16 weeks

Maternity clothes? Had to go get some new work pants.  They are not technically maternity, but I bought a much larger size that I normally wear

Stretch marks? Unfortunately, they have begun

Sleep: No problems at all.  I got a pregnancy pillow and I think I am in love with that thing

Best moment this week: I think I felt the baby move!!!  Not entirely sure....

Have you told family and friends: Yes!  We announced it on Social Media over July 4th weekend

Facebook/Instagram announcement

Movement: I may have possibly felt something this weekend.  Not sure

Food cravings: Pizza. I could eat pizza every meal.  And Strawberry Lemonade

Anything making you queasy or sick: Sometimes I have a hard time with meat

Missing anything: Not really.  Sometimes I miss being able to have a drink, but not too often

Have you started to show yet: Yes, just now starting

Gender prediction: I have a gut feeling that we are having a boy.  But Casey is thinking its a girl.  

Labor Signs: None--way too early

Wedding rings on or off? On.  Getting tight though.  Don't know if this is from the 100 degree heat or pregnancy swelling

Happy or Moody most of the time: Umm this may be a better question for my husband.  I tend to think I am happy most of the time.  Besides the emotional breakdown last Monday haha

Looking forward to: Hearing the heartbeat at my appointment next week

IT WORKED! We are PREGNANT!!!

It's been two months since my last post after our IUI.  And I am so excited to say that IT WORKED!!!  We are now officially 12 weeks pregnant with our little nugget!  Casey and I are both filled with joy.

I first found out I was pregnant on April 24th which was 14 days past IUI.  I had blood work scheduled for the following morning, however, I had started to really feel pregnant.  Couldn't keep my eyes open and my boobs were incredibly sore, so I decided to take an at home test the day prior.  And almost immediately, "PREGNANT" popped up on the screen.  Casey was still asleep so I went and got back in bed and woke him up and showed him the test.  Such an awesome moment!

I woke up bright and early the next morning and went to the lab to get my blood work done.  And let me just say, this lab sucks.  I will go ahead and make that statement because I have to go to this certain lab so much in the first couple of weeks.  They either couldn't get my vein on the first try, would stick a vein and it would "stop" in the middle of the blood draw, or would get it the first time.  I only needed one vial of blood, and was normally stuck on average between 2-3 times.  Even though I knew I was technically pregnant, I was a nervous wreck all day waiting to hear the results.  I would have been 4 weeks 1 day pregnant at the blood draw.  On my first pregnancy, I didn't have blood work done until week 8.  I got a call that afternoon and as the nurse stated my results "looked great".  My HCG level was at 799 and my progesterone was at 35.  She said they wanted HCG to be anywhere between 50-100 and progesterone anywhere over 10.  YALL!  I am not going to lie!  I freaked out.  I asked her if they seemed abnormally high, and she said oh yeah, they are on the higher side.  So I did what any normal person would do.....I googled "HCG levels in twins at 4 weeks".  MISTAKE!  BIG BIG MISTAKE.  Most women stated theirs was around 300 or 400 with their first blood draw.  I found a few women with triplets that stated their numbers were in the 700's.  Of course I called Casey right away and told him my numbers looked good but we needed to prepare ourselves for triplets.  Slightttttttttttt overreaction!  Ha!  I was to go back in two days to make sure my numbers were doubling.

I got up early the morning of the 27th and went in for another blood draw.  I anxiously waited all day for the nurse to call me with my results.  When she did she said that they definitely doubled.  My HCG was now at a 2,118 and my progesterone was at a 53.  WOAH!  They almost tripled.  I was to go back a week later for one last blood draw.  The following Wednesday (May 4th) I went in for my final blood draw.  HCG came back at 15,569 and progesterone was at 41.  The nurse said everything was looking great and I was officially done with my confirmation blood draws.  My first ultrasound was set up for the following Monday.

I was a nervous wreck that whole weekend.  I had no idea how many babies I was carrying.  And I would be 6 weeks and 1 day at my first ultrasound and I knew we may not be able to hear the heartbeat yet.  My ultrasound was at 11 the morning of May 9th.  I met Casey at the doctors office and luckily we were called back right away.  And much to our surprise I was carrying just ONE healthy little baby.  We were able to hear the heartbeat as well which is the best sound.  At 6 weeks, they wanted the heartbeat between 70-90bpm, and our little bean was coming in at 117.  Such a huge relief.  Next ultrasound was in 2 weeks.

We went back on May 23rd for our 2nd ultrasound and I was 8 weeks 1 day.  We could see so much more on this ultrasound.  The baby was moving around and you could see the heart fluttering.  The heartbeat was 172, which is completely normal and strong.  They want the heart rate between 120-180.  She did tell me at this ultrasound that I am measuring about 5 days ahead, however, they know exactly how far along I am since I did IUI.  Dr. Burger had told me that I had officially graduated from the fertility clinic and that she was going to go ahead and release me to my regular OBGYN.  This made me so nervous.  She helped calm my nerves by saying that based upon the heartbeat and size of our baby, my chances of miscarriage at this point are now less than 5%.

I had really started to feel crappy by this point in my pregnancy.  I was super nauseous every morning and took the advice of some friends that had been through morning sickness and started eating saltines before I even got out of bed in the mornings.  Carbs is the only thing that sounded good to me at the time.  Pizza has been my only real craving.  And I had been super exhausted.  I could nap at any time during the day.

I had my first appointment with my OB on June 1st.  My doctor was actually out of the office with a sick child so we were only able to see the nurse.  I was pretty bummed about this but it all worked out fine.  Since my pregnancy had previously been confirmed by the fertility doctor, they didn't do another ultrasound.  They used the doppler to find the heartbeat and found it right away.  It was still in the 170's so that was a great sign.  She said normally they are not able to find the heartbeat via doppler at 9 weeks.  I had to answer about a million questions about family history and get a blood draw.  Casey and I decided to go ahead and get the genetic testing done, to ensure that the baby doesn't have any genetic abnormalities (down syndrome).  We got the results back and everything looks great.  We are going to wait to find out the gender of the baby until it is born.  If we would have wanted to find out, we could have found out with this blood test.  We have one healthy little baby in there.

On June 15th, I went in for what they call an NT (nuchal translucency)ultrasound.  This ultrasound looks at the fluid around the baby's neck (another indication of down syndrome).  Also, at this stage, the fetus actually looks more like a baby.  So exciting!!!  The little nugget was asleep when we got there so she had to poke at my belly to get it to wake up.  Then it was moving all around.  Kicking and waving its arms.  It was the most amazing thing.  The heartbeat was at 156 and everything looked great.

I am now officially 12 weeks and my due date is January 1st, 2017, so we will be ringing in the new year a little differently this year.  Casey and I are so excited for this journey.  And we are so very thankful.  We are one of the lucky ones that got pregnant with our first fertility treatment.  We are one of the lucky ones in that we have a very healthy baby.  And we are one of the lucky ones in that God trusted us to be this little angels parents.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

Well last Friday (4/8/16) I had my day 10 ultrasound to check my ovaries and see if there were any follicles present.  And there was!!  I had one follicle on my right ovary measuring in at 26mm and one follicle on my left ovary measuring at 12mm.  My uterine lining was also nice and thick at 9mm.  I know these measurements probably don't mean alot to most average people, however, they were great news to me!  The doctor instructed that I would give myself a trigger shot that night between the hours of 6 and 9 and then would come back Sunday morning for my IUI.  We were to have Casey's sample there by 7:30 to be washed and prepared and my appointment would be at 10.

There were only a few pharmacy around Austin that would fill the trigger shot prescription, so I went to one of the hippie pharmacy's down south and got it filled.  The pharmacist gave me instructions on how to prepare the syringe.  I tried to keep myself busy that evening so Case and I went shopping for patio furniture and then went and ate supper.  Around 7:30 I decided it was time to bite the bullet and give myself the shot.  Casey proclaimed that "shots in the stomach make him faint" (eye roll) and at first said he would be staying in the living room while I gave myself the shot.  I squashed that idea REAL quick.  Oh no buddy, you will be a part of this!  I got the syringe all prepared as instructed and then gave myself the shot in my stomach.  And to my surprise it was so easy!  The needle was tiny and it didn't hurt at all.

He begged me to get this chair

I'm practically a nurse now

All ready and nervous as hell

The next day we did projects around the house and tried to go to bed at a decent time.  I was anxious though so I stayed up til about 11:30 watching a new TV show I had started.  The next morning, the alarm went off bright and early at 6am.  We had to leave the house no later than
6:45 to make sure that we got Casey's sample to the clinic by 7:30.  The main clinic is the only one open on weekends, so it was at least a 30-40 minute drive for us.  After we got everything turned in, we had 2.5 hours to kill.  We went and had breakfast at Kerbey Lane and then drove around North Austin.  There isn't much open at 8am on a Sunday morning.  We got to the clinic a little early and they were able to take us right back.  My doctor was not on call this past weekend, so another doctor had to actually do the IUI.  When I heard it was Dr. Vaughn, I was relieved.  My friend Natalie's sister used him for both of her IUI's resulting in two pregnancies and three precious little girls!  That's right, she had twins from one of her procedures!

When we got into the exam room we both had to initial in several places stating that we had reviewed the names on the specimen label and were  positive that we had Casey's sample.  Then the doctor went over Casey's numbers with us.  They would like for each sample to have 10 million sperm and our sample had 56 million sperm!  Such good news.  Then I freaked out.  I asked since it was almost 6 times the amount they needed if  it would up our chances of having multiples and he confirmed that the chance of multiples is determined on how many eggs my body releases (fraternal twins) or if the fertilized egg splits (identical twins).  So basically, no.....its all dependent on my eggs.

The IUI itself only took about 30 seconds. I was nervous it was going to be painful, but it was so quick and easy.  And only minor cramping.  They set a timer and made me lay there for 10 minutes without moving.   And then it was done!  Now we are in the dreaded two week wait.  The two weeks after ovulation and before your period are definitely the hardest part for me

Let's be honest--I am not the most patient person in the world.  But here's to keeping myself busy the next two weeks and praying this thing worked!!  Eeeeeeeek!!!

Similarities in infertility and grieving

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time and finally have taken the time to sit down and write.  For someone my age, I have experienced a lot of death in my life.  I have been around for all of my grandparent's funerals and in 2006 when I was 20 years old, I lost my brother in a car accident. I was in college and my world was completely turned upside down.  I became severely depressed and had to try to figure out a way to continue to function in the day to day world.  Also, a year ago today, I had a miscarriage and lost our baby.

They say there are 5 stages of grief.  Shock and denial, anger, depression and detachment, dialogue and bargaining, and acceptance.  Shock and denial primarily comes when the death is unexpected.  Normally, it is closely followed by anger and not understanding.  Once you are done being mad, you may become a recluse and not want to speak to anyone or leave the house.  The dialogue and bargaining stage comes once you have come out of your depression and you feel the need to share your story.  And lastly acceptance means that you have come to terms with what has happened and put in a plan to move on with your life.

I experienced every one of these stages in full force when I lost my brother.  The news hit like a ton of bricks.  I didn't believe it at first and then I couldn't believe that it was happening to MY family.  After the funeral was over I got mad.  Like really pissed off.  I was mad at God, I was mad at my family, and I was mad at my friends.  Nobody could say anything to make me feel better.  I knew I was being moody and irritable, however I didn't know how to change the way I felt.  And then came the depression.  And this is the stage that completely knocked me on my ass.  I slept ALL. THE. TIME.  I cried ALL. THE. TIME.  And I started skipping A LOT of school.  So much so, that one of the girls in my classes became concerned about me and had the school counselor contact me.  Looking back, I should have taken that semester off.  I finally went to the doctor and got prescribed an antidepressant.  I was so ashamed to have to turn to medicine and not be able to face this myself.  But that was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  Within a week, I started to feel more like myself.  I finally was starting to regain my energy and enjoy life again.  The next stage is dialogue and bargaining.  I was so scared people were going to forget my brother.  I talked about him all the time.  I always found a way to bring him up in conversation.  And I would catch myself doing it and then get embarrassed.  I had to come with the terms that people hadn't forgotten him and with the personality that he had, they probably never would.  And lastly, acceptance.  There comes a time where you are just at peace with what you have overcome.  Losing a loved one is never ever easy,  however, God will never give you a difficult situation that he knows you cannot overcome.  I grew as a person so much during that time and can't wait until the day I get to heaven and see my brother again.

The grief I felt when I lost my brother returned last year when I miscarried at eight and a half weeks.  My world was completely rocked when I found out our baby didn't have a heartbeat.  However, I was prepared with the feelings that were going to come.  Trust me, once you have been through a devastating loss, you never forget the struggle you went through to return to normalcy.  I felt every single stage of grief after losing our baby.  I knew what to expect and I dealt with it in the best way I knew how.

The main point of this post was to try to explain how dealing with infertility feels a lot to me like dealing with grief.  I feel like I am grieving a life I yearn to know versus a life I already knew.  I never thought that I would ever had trouble getting pregnant until we were actively trying 3 months after my miscarriage.  Then the thought crossed my mind.  Each month we tried and I got a negative pregnancy test, the angrier I got.  Then the anger turned to sadness and depression.  It just wasn't fair. Why us?  Around January of this year (right around the time I started my Clomid), I felt a calming peace come over me.  I started talking more about my miscarriage and my fertility battle, rather than keeping it all internalized.  And what was so shocking to me is how many people had been through the same struggles.  You never realize how many women have had miscarriages and just don't talk about it.  Which I completely understand.  It is not something that is easy to talk about.  Now I feel that I am at the acceptance stage.  Since all of our testing has been done, we have a plan in place going forward.  Casey and I decided to start IUI this cycle.  I have already had my first ultrasound completed and finished taking my Femara.  I go back this Friday to check my ovaries and determine if my follicles are growing.  Praying hard that this works!

Next steps in the fertility journey

Well, we had a big appointment yesterday at the fertility doctor to discuss all our test results and what our next steps should be.  I left there feeling a little overwhelmed.  I heard exactly what I thought we would hear, however, it was a lot of information coming at us all at once.

As far as the test results go, everything came back great.  There is nothing that is wrong that we need to fix.  I am still taking my vitamin D supplements to try to get that number up a little bit.  And as far as the ovulation goes, we realize that I will need help from medicine to make sure my body actually releases an egg each month.  Otherwise my Fallopian tubes are open, my blood work checks out, and Casey's sample looked excellent!

We have two options as far as next steps are concerned.  The first option is to go in and do laproscopy to ensure I don't have Endometrosis.  Since Endometrosis grows on the outside of your uterus, they would not have been able to detect it from the HSG or the regular ultrasound.  They would cut three small incisions in my stomach and go in with a camera to look at the outside of the uterus.  If they happen to find anything, they would be able to clean it up right then.

The second option is to start a round of IUI/Femara/HCG trigger shot.  I would need to go in for an ultrasound on days 1-3 of my cycle to ensure I don't have any ovarian cysts.  Then I would take the Femara (that almost works the same as Clomid) on cycle days 3-7.  I would go back between cycle days 10-12 to take a look at my follicles to check the sizes and see how many have developed.  Depending on what they find on this ultrasound would depend on when I would take the HCG trigger shot.  The trigger shot is to make my body release an egg.  Most people respond to the trigger shot within 36-42 hours after injection.  The IUI procedure would follow the day after the trigger shot.  They would take Casey's sample and "wash the sperm".  Basically they would be taking all the "gunk" out and only leaving the clean shiny sperm.  Then they would inject the best swimmers into me and we would pray for the best.  This ensures the sperm is exactly where it needs to be when my body releases the egg.

After talking about it with Casey, I think we are going to start the next cycle with a round of IUI/Femara/Trigger Shot.  The most we would try this method would be 3-4 times.  We feel that it would be best to try this prior to me going through another surgery.  Here is to hoping for the best!